home for awhile.

pardon me for not posting for four days, i've been camping and i just got home. 

and guess what... tomorrow i leave for girls camp for 5 days. 

i am excited and totally warned out from camping. it will be worth it, because girls camp will be amazing.

at least i get to sleep in my own bed for tonight!

Seminary.

{to all of those who are going to be starting seminary}

at the beginning of the school year i wasn't excited for seminary. - at all. i thought it was going to be boring like sunday school class. first day of seminary they told us that they want this building to be a safe place. whenever i went there i did feel safe. as soon as you walk through the doors of seminary, it's like this huge wave of the spirit hits you. the building there- you can feel the spirit so much. you learn so much more in seminary than a sunday school class. i now have a better understand of the scriptures and of our savior- jesus christ. as days go by of seminary i realized that i loved it. it was and still is one of my favorite classes of all time. seminary was scary at fist and i didn't know what to expect. it is nice to get away from the real school building and come to seminary, knowing that you wont be judged for your beliefs. to be away from swearing and kids who are crude to others, its amazing to get away from all of that for 90 minutes. i have seen my friends grow spiritually and mentally because of seminary- and it is so much fun seeing their progress. i didn't read my scriptures much before, until i came to seminary. now i read them every single night, and i love learning//reading the tender mercies in this book. before the new testament was just words to me that were on 300 + papers. i didn't understand this book very well- actually at all. as we learned and studied the new testament this year, i have a better understanding in this book. the new testament is all marked up with notes and high lighted scriptures. every page i turn to in the scriptures there is a marked up verse or a quote added onto the side. it has strengthen my testimony in so many ways. its fantastic! i ask people what class are they going to, they say math. then i say oh well i'm going to seminary, so you better be jealous! i love going to seminary every other day and feel the spirit. i love hearing the lessons that were prepared. if i ever have an answer i pray about it, and when i come to seminary the prayer has been answered. it's awesome! seminary is preparing me to go on my mission- and i'm super excited about it!

friday it was the last day of seminary. it was a bitter sweet moment, but also sad. i come in and i sit by ryan- my bfffff. and he says "this is so sad! it's the last day!" i totally forgot it was the last day, but i was going to make it the best last day yet. we played scripture mastery games, and threw candy at each other. we handed out the rewards and i got the silver reward. 

Bronze: 

memorize 16 scripture masteries

Silver:

read the new testament and passed off all 16 masteries

Gold:

Re-read the new testament and passed off all quizzes

we got these pins with in the different "colors"..? {bronze, silver, gold} i put the pin on my scriptures just to remind me that i accomplished something awesome! at the last 30 minutes of class we did something for the new upcoming 9th graders who will be attending seminary next year. they had a camera set up and whoever wanted to go they stood up and talked about seminary. {they did this last year and i thought it was very helpful!} after you shared about how seminary strengthen you or something like that you got to bare your testimony. after ryan went up, i bravely went up. talked about some personal things, and bared my testimony. it was quite shocking to see the boys who act like "i'm to cool for you, i'm the best person in this school, i'm the most popular" boys cry and bare testimony of our savior. but let's just say every body was crying. when we said the closing prayer every body got up said our thank yous to our seminary teacher Brother Marsh. honestly i don't know how he dealt with our class so well. we were awful- mostly because of the "boys". we all hugged each other and then the bell rang. 

i'm so happy i had to opportunity to be in seminary this year. i'm so excited for it to start up again and be in seminary for another 3 years! it truly has blessed my life.

Words//Feelings

I honestly can't even breathe. -How could i be so stupid.

All i had to say was STOP. 

But i kept playing along with my dumb sarcasm talk. 

I didn't mean it in that way- at all.

I was being a clueless teenage girl being sucked up in his love. 

And i know you didn't mean it that way also. 

Another LONG months until i can talk.

Within those months I WILL MISS YOU.

But i know this for better. 

It will make our relationship grow tremendously.

It will be the most hardest months for me, and maybe for you.

But it will go by so fast. 

It will be hard not hearing your loving voice or your loving face...

But Heavenly Father is going to help us both grow so much. 

And also grow so much respect for each other. 

Go on and roll your eyes at me for being so dramatic.

or call me stupid for having a boyfriend. 

GO AHEAD

Heavenly Father is feeling my pain.

But i am thankful for having him in my life. 

He knows all my deepest darkest secrets and all my flaws.

He knows me more than anybody else.

I couldn't live without him in my life. He has blessed me in my life so much. 

And i'm thankful that i can talk to him every morning and night. 

Everything happens for a reason. 

I believe that. 

I'm sorry mommy and daddy what i said. - i really am.

I'm sorry to the friends that i pushed away.

I was so caught up in something else. 

I'm sorry.

I don't know how many times i have to say it for you to accept/believe.

We are stupid teenagers, and we make mistakes... No one is perfect. 

Often we don't realize that what we have could one day be gone. 

And if we have something good, we got to do all we can to keep it. 

Don't take advantage of what you have. 
Especially if it's the best you have had. I have learned that. 

I get bugged over little things and I get jealous easily. But it's only because I care. 

I never used to be jealous, but then I started loving you. 

Now I’m jealous of just about every girl that you talk to, smile at, or even wave at. It’s all because in those seconds when you look into their eyes, I’m not on your mind. 

Or at least that's what I think.

 I’ve ruined many relationships by over thinking too much. I think it may be all these guys’ faults... but really, it’s just me.

Yes- i may be to young for love...

It's almost as if right when I though things couldn't get any worse... It all just suddenly seems to get better. 

{for us gaining respect for each other}

I honestly haven't been this happy in a long time. And I feel more confidant that I ever have. 

And it is all because of one boy. 

He is one of my best friends, and I've found myself falling for him. And he has helped me learn to always accept and feel comfortable with your flaws, that way no one can ever use them against you. 

And he makes sure I feel important every time we talk. 

If someone makes you happy, then the rest shouldn't even matter. And I am learning that.

 I am not the type of girl to have a boy friend {wait... jk}, but he honestly makes me see things in different ways. 

He is different then all the others. And we are already so close that we have an amazing friendship built. He has seen every side of me. Good, and bad. 

And he still wants to be with me. And that makes me like him that much more. 

When you find a guy that is respectful, opens all the doors for you, helps you with your homework, gets you little things "just because", and is always putting you first before other things... Keep him.

I may get in trouble for saying these things or naive. 

But i have had prayers that have been answered- and i know Heavenly Father doesn't lie. 

NEVER

I love you- don't forget that.